the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
