The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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