2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
