she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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