I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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