Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
