hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
