All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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