We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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