That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
