Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
