Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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