I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
