normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Help. Why am I so naked?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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