i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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