I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
