tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize