Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
