when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize