i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
