I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
