i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
