I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
