I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
