i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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