we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
