Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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