i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
