great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
