he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you never un-have a 4some
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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