I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
