i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
