Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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