Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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