Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
