I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
