yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
