I heard we made out
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i love accidental penises.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You took a bar mat shot.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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