No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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