I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
