If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You were trust falling into bushes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I love you. Go after that dick
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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