i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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