I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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