idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
