I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize