He felt like a one man threesome
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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