I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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