And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
