I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
