I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
