She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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