is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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