come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
