The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
