google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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