One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
