kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
