I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What a dumb baby whore.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
