There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
