The maid of honor just puked.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
