I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize