Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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