Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
