You work out of a Hotel?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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