hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
