I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
