I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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