my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
