i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
