new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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