That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
