i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I did not marry a roomba.
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