k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
