i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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