Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
