I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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