Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
