he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
