drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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