my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
